The Great American Apparel Diet

I must add, that never was! 

Predictably the diet in the previous post was for shopping, although I hope that one day I can go on one of those diets that normal people go on. It was supposed to last a month July 20 to Aug 19 specifically targeted at only apparel shopping, brought on by the yearly cycle of potential (packing/moving/wondering-where-all-that-stuff-that's-not-going-to-fit-in-two-bags-came-from)! my own feeble attempt at joining the minimalistic revolution and the bandwagon of austerity. 

Like someone once said, if you want to be on a diet, you might want to stop hanging out by the dessert cart and unfortunately that's exactly what I've been doing. In the past month exactly after I decided to go on this diet, I became the de-facto shopping guru for all those going on vacations and back for good, to pick out gifts for mom's and girl-friends and sisters and then to stock an entire wadrobe after an airline so kindly lost their luggage. It wasn't the back-to school or the better-than-tax-free sales in AR or the tax free sales in OK that made me budge, it was the darned coupon from JCP, well ... the mauve shirt was well worth it, but so much for control.

Perfect reason for not making such stupid resolutions.

The standstill checkout line

It is a well established fact that I have the worst luck when it comes to lines at the checkout counter, no I don’t just end up in a slow moving line, the checkout line almost inevitably comes to a standstill as soon as I join it, it does not matter if it was a self-checkout line or even a line for those *dumped a few items just so that I can make the ‘20 items or less’ line*.

I usually don’t mind the wait, it is fascinating to watch the story of someone’s life unfold ever so slowly right in front of my eyes, okay maybe only the story of their grocery shopping, but it’s interesting nevertheless to learn the shopping habits of my fellow shoppers. The large stock of aerated drinks, the mounds of frozen pizza, macaroni and cheese, the green capped bottles of milk, organic vegetables, all so mesmerizing!

Ever so often I’ve ended up in a line where the line’s delayed for no other reason than the ineptness of the checkout assistant, but that’s rare too, most times I simply always end up in lines wherein folks are paying with cash, counting to 79.11 dollars in change or paying by check which for no apparent reason seems even more tedious and then those other times when the customers themselves cannot recognize the vegetables/fruits they have in their cart and the hassled assistant ends up playing ‘In pin safety pin’ with the grocery chart trying to figure out those veggies!

Onto my latest experience, you can probably visualize the state of any fridge after a vacation and despite needing a vacation to recover from my vacation, I had to head out to stock up, made up a little list (I know it’s sad, but I still occasionally make lists and this trip needed one!). In addition, I am also known for the speed with which I can pick out items from the shopping list, the list is useful on such occasions to prevent mindless meandering.

I should have learnt something from all my checkout situations, or so you’d think but really you can’t beat murphy’s law, ended up in a line with just one other person group ahead of me, two women and two kids and it did seem like they were almost done checking out. Like I always do, got hold of the divider and loaded up all that stuff from my cart onto the conveyor, neatly, there's an order to that, that some just can't understand.

Checkout dude’s brows are all messed up, I can see that’s not a good sign, he is immersed in what looks to be a check, sigh! then he presses the call button, he’s clearly waiting for help. tic, toc, tic ... Surprisingly she doesn’t waste too much time getting there, all authoritative, she goes through the items on the receipt and says no, the milk can’t be checked out! What the ... From what I could hear, the form of payment the women were using did not allow them to buy the whole milk (red cap). 

Dude tries explaining it to the women, they show no sign of understanding (no comprendo!, that’s where espanol would have come in handy), they seem to be grinning away or maybe that’s just the look! Dude says he will return with 2% milk cans (blue cap), thankfully he seemed to have decided that the family could survive on 2% milk!. These assistants are just too kind is the first thought on my mind, bless him. The women were heavily made-up and their clothes ... well they could use some money to buy clothes that were a little less revealing! anyway dude comes back (probably took about 4 mins, with the milk section being in the back and all, it is a brilliant strategy if you must know, more on that some other time), re-scans everything again, presses button, supervisor comes and all’s good. I can hear the sigh of relief from all the people behind me, yes a line has formed now. Quite frustrating it was already, had to resort to doodling, twiddling!

I can sense something though, there’s two more milk cans that's not been scanned yet and you guessed right, those too have red caps on them. They seem to want the receipts to be separate and they're going to use similar checks again, no once bitten twice shy or whatever!. With a urgency I’ve never displayed in a grocery store, I scooped up everything on the conveyor into my cart and hurried out of there, I could see that everyone else had followed me too ... As I was finally all settled into another checkout line, I could see dude go back to swap red cap milk can with blue cap milk again and when I had my receipt, he was still peering away into the receipt and waiting on his supervior to give the green signal!

p.s Were those checks some kind of benefits, then why would whole milk be a restricted item? I can be nosy, but was just not in the mood to ask that day what with all of us already in a beleaguered mood.

Scars and Souveniers

I've mastered the art of dodging the bullet! literally but from the over-eager, over enthusiastic kiosk employees who are constantly in your face, trying to sell you something, be it a hair extension (seriously!), a nail set to make your nails all shiny without applying nail polish, wind chime thingies, aromatherapy packs, pro-activ, crystal souvenirs for every relative you could dream of while the above mentioned over eager, over enthusiastic salesperson badgers you into submission. And if you are the kind who finds it hard to say 'No thanks', then good luck. Don't forget, these kiosk/cart stores have no return policy either.

I remember a particular incident in a Houston Mall when three of us were walking down the mall and this Seacret Sea salesgirl pops, almost out of nowhere and practically took our hands and started polishing one nail each. Thank God for small mercies that I had painted my nails so she let me get away! The remaining two, were not spared, they emerged with shiny nails (one of them male!) and were badgered into buying 100$ worth of nail products and some other stuff all allegedly made with ingredients from the dead sea!

Our local Southcenter Mall has an umpteen number of kiosks/carts and has fallen prey to the cart culture. Nothing against this culture and considering that I come from a country where the cart culture business thrives. In fact it's just possible that you find some unique item you were looking for, from halfway across the world. It is the harassment and badgering that I condone, Isn't the retail tagline 'Customer is king', they will come to you, wait for it!

Dodging the bullet is nevertheless easy, my strategy is to ignore the kiosks completely, no eye contact and I even act as if I am deaf and blind too, it may be rude, but it works.

I was in Southcenter yesterday and noticed this cart with beautiful wood carvings of nativity scenes, rosary hands, last supper scenes all intricately and exquisitely carved. The owner seemed to be of Middle Eastern descent, Israelite possibly or could be Egyptian too. He explained that the statues were all hand carved out of Olive wood from Bethlehem and considering my interest in the Nativity scenes offered a 10% discount while querying if I was buying it as a gift!

I told him I wanted to buy it for myself at which he acted pleasantly surprised and seemed almost to be searching for a telltale sign that I was a Christian and no, I was not wearing my little cross pendant. He asked if I was from India and on my affirmative answer, said he did not know Christians lived in India!

My being a Christian from India surprises many, from the Ethiopian cab driver, my Russian neighbor, the midwest programmer who even asked me if it was tough being a Christian in India to the Vietnamese parishioner and the Middle Eastern kiosk owner. I told him there are 20 million Christians in India with an evil smile to the almost shocked look on his face and then told him that we make up 2% of the population, it seemed to make him happy!

I believed the hand-carved bit but was doubtful about the Olive wood from Bethlehem part, anyway I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and ended up with a carved set of a nativity scene. The discount was nullified by the 9% sales tax! Nevertheless a pretty nativity set to start the advent season.

Shopaholic anonymous?

After two major shopping spree's within a spate of an hour and without even stepping into the cold cold weather outside, I begin to wonder. Am I a potential candidate for SA? and then I came across this trailer and it gave me great joy.

I know I'm not as bad!, even though the joy I feel right now may be momentary or until I see my credit card statement... but admission is the first step towards recovery!!! '@#$ for the innovation of online shopping.



I remember reading about the types of shoppers, it was some training on the retail domain, it is no doubt that I fit into the impulsive category, but some day I'll have the right classification! Until then, sorry for the rambling, will join SA, right now.

Recession, Really?